because ten is overrated

Nine Reasons Halloween Rocks

1. Roasted Pumpkin Seeds
2. Lots of scary movies out
3. Haunted houses
4. Trick-or-treating
5. Sexy Halloween costumes
6. Pumpkin carving
7. Costume parties
8. An excuse to eat lots and lots of candy
9. It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown

Nine Reasons Bill O’Reilly Is A Douche

1. Due to his extreme douche baggery of saying WWII POWs are war criminals, he was awarded the prestigious Winner of Douche Bag of All Time moniker by codebot.org
2. Inputing “Is Bill O’Reilly A Douche?” into a Google search returns so many results that it actually temporarily breaks the internet. (then Al Gore fixes it)
3. He is racist, condescending, arrogant, and all round just a swell guy.
4. He has progressed so far up the douche baggery chain that he has also been dubbed a flaming bag of douche!
5. Always one to out-do himself, he also claims the rights to being a douche nozzle. A really tall douche nozzle at that.
6. He always has a smug look on his face that just screams “I’m a douche!”
7. He thinks the place for a falafel is someone woman’s special place.
8. He thinks that all kinds of crazy goes on in soul food restaurants. (wtf?)
9. Apparently he was born a super douche.

Nine Reasons Comcast is Evil

1. Everything they do is the epitome of evil.
2. Everything they do is the epitome of evil.
3. Everything they do is the epitome of evil.
4. Everything they do is the epitome of evil.
5. Everything they do is the epitome of evil.
6. Everything they do is the epitome of evil.
7. Everything they do is the epitome of evil.
8. Everything they do is the epitome of evil.
9. Everything they do is the epitome of evil.

Just a quick shout out to Sound Money Matters for including Nine Reasons in this week’s Carnival of Personal Finance!

Nine Reasons I Hate Tips Jars In Coffee Shops (and other stores)

1. The coffee is usually expensive enough.
2. Those people are ALREADY making at least minimum wage, unlike servers in restaurants.
3. Pouring coffee into a cup and passing it over the counter is hardly something worthy of a tip. Bring it to my table, refill it without me asking and THEN I would tip you.
4. If I thought you deserved a tip, I would offer it on my own.
5. Assuming that I want to tip you just pisses me off.
6. When did it become okay for employers to use customers to compensate employees?
7. I saw a tip jar at a cash register in a grocery store, which is funny since they never bag my groceries properly and don’t bruise all of my produce.
8. People clearly have no clue what you have to do to deserve a tip.
9. The expectation that you deserve a tip is really insulting.

Nine Reasons I Hate Starbucks

1. Starbucks coffee tastes like bitter battery acid.
2. Starbucks coffee has MSG in it.
3. They charge famine prices for their coffee.
4. It is always full of poseurs.
5. They charge for their wi-fi, as if their coffee isn’t expensive enough.
6. They play crappy music too loud.
7. They prey on the small mom-and-pop coffee shops.
8. There are too damn many of them! I dare you to walk around Manhattan without seeing at least 10 of them in 5 minutes time.
9. They think they are a status symbol. (so not)

Nine Reasons I’m Not Voting In The Presidential Election

1. I don’t like Obama.
2. I don’t like McCain.
3. I will not be forced to vote for Obama because the DNC declared him the nominee before he earned the title.
4. I will not be forced to vote for Obama because the news media declared him the nominee before he earned the title.
5. The only qualified person, Hillary, that was in the race was pushed out of it.
6. Anti-polar bear Palin scares me.
7. Obama and his message of “hope” scare me.
8. No one left in the race has anything to offer me.
9. This election year is proof that the system is broken, so why bother?

Nine Reasons High Fructose Corn Syrup Is Evil

1. They’ve started a campaign to counter claims that HFCS is evil, nevermind the fact that it is indeed evil.
2. That’s like The Joker getting a publicist and throwing up a snazzy website and some commercials to counter claims that he’s not evil. You wouldn’t fall for that, would you?
3. The Corn Refiners Association claims that HFCS is nutritionally the same as table sugar and honey. However, honey has cancer-preventing and anti-tumor properties and has been shown to promote better blood sugar control and cholesterol control.
4. Shouldn’t you be concerned about a sweetener that claims to also be used as a “preservative, flavor enhancer, texturizer, bulking agent, fermentation agent and keeps foods fresh and improves texture of high fiber products.”
5. The Corn Refiners Association claims that HFCS is not responsible for people getting fat, but simply fat people are to blame for being fat.
6. The Corn Refiners Association claims that sugar, honey and HFCS all require processing. Someone please send them some raw 100% pure honey.
7. The Corn Refiners Association claims that honey is not healthier than HFCS (!) due to the fact that the nutrients (according to them) comprise only 0.5% of honey. Let’s see, nutrional value of HFS = 0.0%. Nutritional value of honey = 0.5%. Hrm, 0.0%<0.5%.
8. High fructose corn syrup is genetically modified. It is almost certainly made from genetically modified corn and then it is processed with genetically modified enzymes.
9. Animal studies have shown a link between increased consumption of high-fructose corn syrup and adverse health effects, such as diabetes and high cholesterol.

Nine Reasons Hollywood Movies Blow

1. Nicolas Cage
2. Nicolas Cage
3. Nicolas Cage
4. Nicolas Cage
5. Nicolas Cage
6. Nicolas Cage
7. Nicolas Cage
8. Nicolas Cage
9. Nicolas Cage

Nine Reasons Credit Cards are Evil

1. They teach you that it’s okay to spend money that you don’t have.
2. They clutter your mailbox with their “special offers”
3. Most of the time you can’t even qualify for those “special offers” and they stick you with a crappy offer.
4. They prey on people without financial knowledge.
5. They routinely raise fees and interest rates.
6. They aren’t flexible at all - miss a payment by one day and it’s off to 32% APR land for you!
7. Universal default clause.
8. They will randomly close your card or change your interest rate with little or no warning.
9. They can pull you in to a vicious cycle of living beyond your means.