because ten is overrated

Nine Reasons I Have Been On Hiatus, Possibly

1. I was adopted by Angelina and Brad
2. I joined a circus
3. I was in jail
4. I was stuck in New Jersey, which is worse than jail
5. I was in a coma
6. I have time management issues
7. I was busy fighting off a group of rogue ninjas
8. I am a pirate reserve, like the army reserve, and I was called to duty
9. I took a wrong turn

Nine Reasons Selling on eBay is a Pain in the Ass

1. Between eBay & PayPal, the fees really bend you over.
2. People will email you questions about your auction - for things that are already answered in the auction.
3. People will email you wanting measurements of clothing you are selling - even though you are only selling it for $0.99 and they could really just go to the store and try it on.
4. People will ask you to lower your shipping price because apparently they think things like tape and envelopes are free.
5. People will win your auction and send you a personal check in the mail - even though you clearly state you only take PayPal.
6. People will get their item and then file a claim on PayPal to get the money reversed. And PayPal practically NEVER takes your side.
7. People will win an auction and then email you to say they will pay on payday, which is next week.
8. eBay ends some auctions for stupid reasons like trying to circumvent fees if they deem your shipping cost too high.
9. They won’t let people selling smut accept PayPal. wtf?

Nine Reasons I Hate Wal-Mart

1. The floors are always sticky.
2. There are always unsupervised children running amuck in Wal-Marts
3. They never have enough cashiers working.
4. There is just something about being able to get my ammo and my groceries in the same place.
5. They seem to employ only complete idiots.
6. They pay their employees poorly and then work them to death.
7. They lure me with their ‘always low prices’ and then I just end up in incredibly long lines.
8. Did I mention the lines are always incredibly long?
9. They think a 98-cent two liter of soda is a good incentive for signing up for their credit card.

Image from Consumerist.

Nine Reasons Batman is Way Cooler Than Superman

1. Batman has a better superhero outfit
2. One word - Batmobile
3. Batman’s ladies are way hotter than Lois Lane
4. Lame-o Dean Cain never played Batman
5. Batman has all those sweet gadgets
6. The batcave is the best hideout ever
7. Bruce Wayne is rich, while Clark Kent is a working man
8. All that sexual tension with the Catwoman
9. All that sexual tension with Robin - he got that ‘boy wonder’ nickname for a reason

Nine Reasons to Watch Women’s Murder Club Tonight (at 10pm EST)

1. Angie Harmon being a badass
2. The cute redhead (Aubrey Dollar)
3. The subtext between the cute redhead and Angie Harmon
4. Robin Williams is playing a skeevy perv on SVU opposite it - and no one needs to see that
5. There might not be a season two - watch it before it’s gone
6. Or to try to get its numbers up so that there will be a season 2
7. It’s the first new episode since the writer’s strike
8. There’s a new writing staff, so if you did not like it before you might this time around
9. Did I mention the subtext between Angie Harmon and the cute redhead?

Nine Reasons I Heart the Internet

1. Hot Chicks with Douchebags
2. The “Blog” of “Unnecessary” Quotation Marks
3. Passive Aggressive Notes
4. Indexed
5. Crummy Church Signs
6. Overheard in New York
7. Violent Acres
8. Photoshop Disasters
9. Gawker

Nine Reasons Spending Your Economic Stimulus Check on Your Future is Better Than Stimulating The Economy

1. You can use it to pay off some debt and free up some cash each month
2. You can use it to start or invest in an IRA
3. You can put it in a new ING Orange Savings account and earn 3% interest as well as a sweet $25 bonus for opening a new account.
4. You can use it to start a home business
5. You can use it to pay for that much needed trip to the dentist or doctor
6. You can put it in a CD to earn some interest
7. You can open up a 529 college savings account for your kid
8. You can put it in a mutual fund
9. You can enroll in a college class with it

Nine Reasons Living In An Apartment Sucks

1. You have to rely on the other idiots not to burn the place down.
2. You have to deal with other people’s barking dogs.
3. You have to deal with other people’s loud, bratty kids. (who always seem to be in your path)
4. Your neighbors think they have superior taste in music and like to share their tunes with the rest of the building.
5. Thin walls = TMI about what goes on in your apartment
6. The apartment complex ALWAYS raises your rent.
7. Cushy, soft carpet is just a dream.
8. Apparently over-priced rent and a hefty deposit does not equal light fixtures in every room.
9. Bland white walls, ugly brown cabinets, almond colored appliances and dirty looking beige carpet - in almost every apartment I have lived in.

Nine Reasons Spam Email is Awesome!

1. It makes me feel popular to see all those messages in my inbox.
2. Their messages make me feel like a spelling bee champ.
3. They are always trying to award me with large sums of money.
4. They are worried about my sex life and faulty man-parts.
5. They can be entertaining.
6. I learned about a relative I never knew, but thankfully he left me his fortune. All I have to do is wire some money to get that fortune released…
7. It makes me feel like someone is out there looking out for me and wanting what’s best for me - like an erection?
8. It gives me email address to add to my chain letter email list.
9. And the best reason is when you get emails like this one:

—–Original Message—–
From: Goodyear <mikroben1995@51sports.com.cn>
To: xxxxxxxxxx@aol.com
Sent: Thu, 17 Apr 2008 6:26 am
Subject: Upgrade your man-tool

My fearsome rod of pleasure tears down hymen like crazy. http://www.umbaghei.com/

Nine Reasons I Hate Napster

1. They would not accept me into their affiliate program.
2. Their downloaded software slows down my computer.
3. You can’t burn songs to a CD without paying during the free trial.
4. When you cancel your free trial the songs you downloaded don’t work any more.
5. You still have to pay for some songs during the free trial.
6. They have a stupid logo.
7. They don’t have Andrea Corr’s solo album available.
8. In fact, they don’t have a lot of the stuff I was looking for. Losers.
9. It takes a lifetime to transfer songs to your mp3 play and only certain mp3 players are compatible.